So I was trying to find humerus things about TTC. Except it’s all about infertility. And I’m not infertile. I have repeat pregnancy losses, which is not actually a diagnosis, it’s a “we don’t know what the fuck is happening. And we can’t help you. So keep getting pregnant and pray like hell to a deity you’re not even sure exists that this time will be different. Because we won’t offer you any fertility treatments.”

And then I found this. Que ugly cry.

Better late than never

We are so close to burning the bench. We are so close to getting to TTC again. We’re so close to what we want.

So why am I anxious?

I had 6 months. In that time I was supposed to loose weight. I haven’t. We were supposed to organize and clean the house. We haven’t. Things were supposed to be different by the time we were ready to try again. But they aren’t.

I’m not willing to wait longer to TTC. Orph isn’t willing to wait either. I am just pissed at myself that I didn’t do what I had wanted to do. I promised myself I would do. And we’re almost out of time to do it.

But I can’t control what happened yesterday. I can control what I do today. So today I have started the 30 day plank challenge. I rejoined Planet Fitness and am going after work tonight. Better late than never.